| "I REPORT YOU DECIDE" |
The Homer Report
8/17/09
| The Saga of the Copier and Printer |
As the 2009 racing season got underway, horsemen couldn't help but notice the stress and
tension that was lingering in the air when they entered the office of the race secretary - The
Professor. Many were left bewildered as to why. One beautiful rainy day ..... as the phone
lines at The Red Mile got busy and ...... well ..... folks ..... here is how it ALLLL got started.
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP.
tension that was lingering in the air when they entered the office of the race secretary - The
Professor. Many were left bewildered as to why. One beautiful rainy day ..... as the phone
lines at The Red Mile got busy and ...... well ..... folks ..... here is how it ALLLL got started.
- On one rainy afternoon, The Professor went to use the copier and printer in his office and it wasn't
working. (This wasn't the first time this problem had occurred). Being more that just a little
frustrated, the Professor pulls it out away from the wall about three feet and with all the adrenaline
rushing through his veins, he just rammed it and rammed it and rammed it, with all his mite, right
back into the wall. He did this very fast 3 times in a row. (each time he let off steam by letting out a
japanese yell like something off of one of those old Kung-Fu movies). But still .... nothing would work.
So the Professor thought it was time to give one of his superiors a call. He gave CLEOPATRA-Queen
of the Mile a ring. She comes over to The Professor's office and looks the situation over and says to
the Professor,
Cleopatra: "I don't see any problem here, it looks good to me."
The Professor: "But its not working....we have no copier or printer."
- Cleopatra: "Yes it is. I can see the lights are on. And I can see a date and time on it's screen.
- The Professor: "But its NOT working....we have NO copier or printer."
Cleopatra: "Yes it is. And you don't need a copier or a printer in here. You have pen and paper. Don't you?"
- So The Professor said, "OK", and she went on her way. He just took a deep breath and with a little
disgust told his assistant to sharpen the pens and get the paper out of the copier/printer. In the
meantime, a day or so later, THE REAL QUEEN-Queen of Grand Circuit gives The Professor a call.
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
- The Professor: "Hello, this is the Professor speaking."
The Real Queen: "Hey there, this is The Queen, how are things going for you down there."
The Professor: "Well, it would be a whole lot better if we had a copier and printer."
The Real Queen: "Oh you have to have a copier/printer. Just tell Cleopatra you need one."
The Professor: "We have one, its just not working. And Cleopatra is well aware of the situation, but still insists
we don't need one."
The Real Queen: "What!! She said you don't need one! Professor, tell me you're pulling my leg."
The Professor: "I wish I was, but right now we are doing the best we can ... the old fashion way--Pen and paper."
The Real Queen: "You've got to be kidding me. I'll give George a call. Hang in there Professor.
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
- George: "Hello, George speaking."
The Real Queen: "Hey George, how are you doin .... this is The Queen here. We have a situation at The Mile.
George: "What is it Queen."
The Real Queen: "They need a copier/printer. They need one really bad. The old one isn't working. It's broke."
George: "You know me Queen. I'm far----far from being broke. Money money money, I have lots
and lots of money. Just tell'em to go get a new one. Cleopatra knows where to get a new one."
The Real Queen: "No George!!! It's Cleopatra! She doesn't .... I mean she refuses to realize the importance
of a copier/printer. She wants them to use pen and paper."
George: "She doesn't what!!! OMG!! That's just ridiculous. Let me give Joe a call. They need be able to copy and
print. Check in with me later."
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP
Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.....Ring-a-ling.
- Joe: "Hello, Joe speaking."
George: "Hello Joe .... this is George. How are things in Lexington."
Joe: "Wonderful SIR. Abs-soo-lute-ly WONDERFUL."
George: "I need you to do something ASAP. Is the copier/printer broke in the race office?"
Joe: "I don't know, sir.....WE DON'T HAVE MUCH MONEY TO SPEND.....I Just Don't Know."
George: "I need you to tell Cleopatra to get it fixed immediately. The Real Queen needs one in the Professor's
office."
Joe: "Yes SIR. Right away sir. You're soo right George. Man, you are so right. I'll get on it right away sir."
George: "I'll check with you in a couple of days."
Joe: "Ok. Bye."
Cli..Click..the sound of the HANG UP.
- We don't really know how the conversation went between Joe and Cleopatra, but we do know that
there is a new copier / printer working in The Professor's office. And as Joe got off the phone he
mumbled to himself ...."SON---NONE---OF---A---B**CH".
We don't know the logistics behind the copier/printer saga, but we did hear from a reliable source
that after it was all said and done, Cleopatra did agree with George that the race office should
always have a working copier/printer. But for some reason I don't think Cleopatra was jumping for
joy. Someone should tell the Professor to keep his ducks in a row and to be careful. The word on the
street is: Cleopatra is sharpening her sword.