Due to recent public demand, Homer has opened a new school. The Homer Driving School will be a FREE FOR ALL class. We will not take any
money. However, donations and tips (cash only) will be accepted. In fact, it is strongly encouraged. See Palms Up Perelli for details.

The first session of class will be in the order of Driving Tips. So you may want to get a pencil and paper to take notes.

2 Very Important Things To Remember

    1. Don't ever argue with a dummy.
        (You'll never figure them out. They will beat you every time -- with experience.)
    2. You can't fix stupid. (Stupid is FOE-EVA!!)

8 Driving Tips for Dummies

    1. Don't look at the program. (Even if you can read it. It would be a waste of time, you already know your game plan).

    2. Don't look at the tote board. (The betting public doesn't know JACK. They let a 99-1 and 91-1 get past them last week).

    3. If you do check the odds and you're 50-1 or more, then leave. (What do you have to loose. If you can ... run the favorite.)

    4. If you leave the gate at 60-1 and can drop in the 2-hole -- DON'T DO IT!!! (Make an early race of it. Bettors will love you.)

    5. If you are in the 2-hole, please, pop the pocket right before the 1/2. (Don't take the chance of getting locked in. And next
         week maybe you won't find yourself in that unlucky spot -- "the 2 hole".)

    6. If you have the chance, park Pete Wrenn. (You may not win. But you may get to say "I beat Pete Wrenn".)

    7. If the race secretary writes a race for you, then you're probably 3-5 or 90-1. (Either way, leave to make sure your name
          gets called so you can make the race secretary  proud. It's the least you can do in return for him writing a race for you.)

    8. If you don't have clue to what type of horse you're driving ..."Hakuna Matata" . (No worries. You will find out for yourself
           soon enough if the horse has 3 moves or  if your horse can handle an all out one mile sprint.)

The lesson today is:

    These tips may not get you into the winner's circle, but if you follow them,
    They will make ya FAMOUS !!!

CLASS DISMISSED
by Terry Cullipher
Publish Date:8/13/09      The Homer Report Archives            KyHarnessRacing.com           FloridaHarnessRacing.com