"IIIIIII'M
WATCHING
YOU"
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The Homer Report
9/11/08
UNCLE FESTER
Hi everyone. My name is........or I'm known as UNCLE FESTER. I haven't properly introduce myself
yet. Thought this would be a good time. Don't mind the light bulb, you'll still be able to hear me. I will
start by telling you a few things about myself.

1st - I'm a BLOOMING IDIOT. My superiors know this, and that's what they like most about me.

2nd - I'm an OFFICIAL. Hey it's the most authoritative position I've ever been in. I get to fine people.

3rd - I'm SPESH-SHELL. My superiors love me. They like it when I'm loud and  yell and cuss at people for not picking
    up their horses poo-poo. They tell me, because I'm an Official, that I'm allowed to do
    that. They sit upstairs and watch me. They allow me to do it, cause they get a kick out of
    it. And my closest boss gets a front row seat to the action. He loves it. He has to.

Now I want to tell you what my superiors had to say about me at my evaluation. You didn't know I was
evaluated, did ya? I kept a LIGHT BULB in my mouth during my entire evaluation. All four of my
superiors were at my evaluation. There's was "PALMS UP" and "THE THREE BLIND MICE". I have my
own name for the Three Blind Mice. I don't think they're as blind as you think. They see me....and
THEY LIKE ME!!!!! (laughing)

CLINT'S BROTHER - The Big Guy (sounding like The Skipper from Gilligan's Island)
    "Uncle Fester you're doing a great job. You're yelling at people. You're cussing at people. And you like to fine
    them. If they tell you to stop, that's one thing, but if they tell you to stop and they use  a cuss word.....WELL!!....
    Thats when they lose all credibility with me. I know you're a BLOOMING F-ING IDIOT Uncle Fester, and thats
    what I love most about you. Keep up the great work. You have the potential to be a judge some day."

BOY WONDER - The Little Guy (sounding like Robin from Batman & Robin)
    "Uncle Fester I want you to know you're doing a FINE job. I remember when I was a horseman and you
    remember when you were a horseman. And I remember when I used to be in the same position you're in
    now, that's how I got my start. Just remember Fester, since you're an official now, that means you're smarter
    than the horsemen. That's why we don't care if you yell and cuss at them. Now if they cuss and yell at you, just
    remember they're stooping down to your level. And, do you have Potential? ...... Heck, right now you have the
    ability to be a GREAT judge. You've proven that already. GO Uncle Fester GO."

BATMAN - The Main Guy (sounding like Batman from Batman & Robin)
    "Uncle Fester I am fully aware of how you're handling the POO-POO situation in the paddock. You like to yell
    and you like to cuss people. I'm officially ok with that, cause you're an Official. Yell all you want, cuss all you
    want to. It makes no difference to us. The only thing I have to say is WE'RE FULLY AWARE OF IT. Keep up the
    good work Uncle Fester. I'm putting in a recommendation for you to become a judge as soon as possible.
    You'll fit in really well here. Can you give us an example of how you tell people about their horse poo-poo?"

Ok here I go,
HEY!!!!!.......HHHEEEYYY!!!!!!.......HHHHHEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!   WHO HAS THE NUMBER 2 HORSE?

YOUR HORSE POO-POOD IN IT'S STALL. YOU GOTTA F-ING PICK IT UP!!

IF YOU DON'T, I'LL FINE YOU...FIF-TEE!!!....IN A HEART BEAT.